Our own Jim “The Hooligan” Boyle underwent a groundbreaking surgical procedure to have cataracts removed from not just one, but both, eyes. His doctor used a series of refracting and reflecting mirrors to focus light into a palpable beam finer than any scalpel, a beam that he terms a “laizer.” Hooligan has spent a month in convalescence and reports that he feels fit and ready to begin playing base ball.
An added benefit to this new-fangled procedure is that Hooligan now has near-perfect vision without the assistance of spectacles. God’s truth! Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, the procedure caused him to lose his magnificent signature mustache.